It’s Hard to Live Honestly

I don’t mean this in the sense that I lie all the time, or can’t tell the truth.  I mean it in the way that it is hard to be honest, truly honest, with yourself in particular but also with those people you are closest to.  From the smallest question like, what do you want for dinner? to the biggest decisions like, what do you want to do for a living?  I’m learning that at the end of the day and the beginning of the journey, all you can do is be honest. Really honest.

This is actually easier when making choices that just involve yourself. If I feel like spending seven hours in a coffee shop researching jobs and drinking cups of iced tea, that’s my choice.  If the next day I want to go skiing or hike or run and not think about jobs and money and making “smart” life choices, I can do that to. It gets stickier when other people are involved because my honesty is sometimes misread and I obviously don’t want to hurt anyone. So I’m working on being honest in a gracious manner, which takes a lot of patience… something I definitely struggle with.

It is also hard for me to think about my career honestly and where I want it to go. Applying for jobs right now is a two-fold process. Some are more formal education jobs that would start next school year.  Others are more relaxed and casual jobs that are part-time to fill the next few months.  They range from online grading jobs or content editing jobs or tutoring to traditional history teaching or middle-school math teaching.  I’m just applying and seeing what happens. But it’s hard for me to think about what job I honestly want to spend my time doing for the foreseeable future.

College and going back to school is another source of struggle right now.  I would love to get into a Student Affairs program, because I think the jobs I could get afterwards are in line with what I want.  But do I really NEED the degree when I have a Master in Education already? Debatable. So then there are the History programs, which would be so fun for me to actually go through because I’m so interested in the content.  But do I go to a campus program locally because it’s convenient and kind of what I want? Or do I enroll in an online program that really is the content I’m interested in? But are those programs credible? Do I care?  All of these are questions I need to think about and answer honestly… but that’s so hard!

Sorry to ramble a bit in this post, but it’s me being honest about what’s going on in my brain right now. And it was the best I could come up with today, lol. Here’s to being honest. With ourselves and others. When it’s easy and when it’s hard.

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