Best Holiday Diet Ever

Now that I’ve got your attention, let me explain the last week of my life.  Last Saturday I ran a bunch of errands, had Burger King for lunch and went to a holiday party in the evening.  I had some kind of beef tenderloin, sweet potatoes, scalloped potatoes, ham, and cheesecake.  It was a lovely party and the people were great.  Sunday, nothing fancy just lounging around the house and running errands.  I ate at home and at Mom’s house while helping her decorate for the holidays.  Now, back to the diet part of the story…

The diet began about 4 a.m. Monday morning when I woke up with severe pains in my stomach.  I spent the next 3-4 hours in the bathroom before calling in sick (something I’d never done before!).  After sleeping off and on all morning, and taking some Pepto-bismol, I decided I should brush my teeth.  I was soon shocked to see that my tongue was black… BLACK.  I quickly went downstairs and googled “black tongue Pepto-bismol” and was quite relieved to find this as a fairly common side effect of the medicine.  Weird.  Back to the bathroom.   That afternoon I stopped throwing up enough to go to the doctor where he confirmed that with my limited other symptoms, I must have food poisoning.

The rest of my week was spent feeling like crap and trying to get back to work. I’d be fine, then I’d try to eat something other than a cracker and I’d fall right back into feeling bad.  The upside of this, and the reason you are reading this post to begin with, is that I’ve lost eight pounds this week.  I have also spent zero dollars on food.  But let’s be honest, I’d spend twenty bucks to gain five pounds before I wished food poisoning on my worst enemy.  Good luck finding a real holiday diet, if that’s what you’re looking for… and happy holidays!

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